Day 85: I Came, I Saw, I Left: Gym Visit

A fancy new New York Sports Club opened up in our area 2 or 3 years ago. As it was being built, it was a BIG topic of conversation - most of my friends were planning to join, everyone wanted to get "in" before they opened, i.e. the pre-opening special rates. We all called to put our names on the "list" before they even opened the doors because they were only offering the deal to a certain number of people....it was crazy.

At the time, I got all swept up in the hysteria (even though I've never really been a gym person) and joined the gym along with Dan. I went exactly once. I got on an elliptical machine and had such a visceral reaction - all the NOISE, and TV SCREENS, so many BUTTONS to push, so many PEOPLE! - that I almost started to cry right there. It was an overwhelming environment - so I decided to stick to the yoga studio, where it's quiet and peaceful. Luckily, I was able to talk the gym into giving me a refund.

Fast forward to today - I figured I'd go back and check it out. Even though there are some smaller and cheaper gyms in the area, this is overwhelmingly where everyone I know goes (including Dan, who goes regularly in the early mornings before work). I have to admit, I was a little nervous to go back. I felt compelled to wear leggings and a tank top that shows off my shoulders and arms - like I'd just come from a yoga class. I even put on a little make-up! To me, I guess, gyms = workout competition, like everyone there is checking everyone else out while working out. I wanted to present a strong version of myself.

Walked in, requested a tour. Friendly guy at the front desk had me fill out a little form that included questions like, do you currently exercise? What do you do for exercise? What are your fitness goals? I answered, yes, yoga and home workout, to continue exercising through the winter (this was my "line" for why I was interested in joining - being able to swim for cardio through the winter). As soon as I had filled out the card, a tall blond woman strode over to me and introduced herself. She had the direct eye contact and the too-close-for-comfort, in-my-personal-space stance of a true saleswoman. Immediately, I forgot her name. She asked me if I'd ever been here before. I said, yes, I had toured the gym when it was first opening up. Right away, she put her hand on her hip and squinted at me: "So, why didn't you join then??" Wow, way to put me on the spot, Sales Lady! I mumbled something about not being able to afford it at the time because I was spending money on yoga classes outside of the gym. She then asked if I still wanted to have a tour since I'd been here before. Now I'm thinking Sales Lady's sales skills could use some work! YES I want a tour, that's why I'm HERE, bi-atch!

So she QUICKLY walked me around for about 5 minutes. The whole time I was half-paying attention to her, smiling and chatting her up so that she would soften up a bit, and half-trying to see what all the people there were doing. That's what I was truly interested in - observing the gym rats in their natural habitat. Sadly, Sales Lady didn't give me much of a chance to watch what was going on. In terms of equipment, I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of different weight machines. There was a whole area for free weights/lifting, which, ok, every gym has that. Then there were 2 different systems of circuit(?) training machines that are supposed to isolate different muscle groups. One that you're supposed to do on your own, and a second, different system where a trainer is available to help you (during certain hours) go through the whole circuit in 20 minutes. Then there was a whole separate area with more weight machines - but my head was spinning by that point, so I can't remember what were the point of THOSE.

Sales Lady did show me two different areas designated for stretching, so I got to ask if they had "smaller equipment like medicine balls or resistance bands" (I didn't ask about jump ropes, though I should have, just to see her reaction). She said, yes of course they have those things, and then made sure to walk me all the way back across the room to show me. I saw, I believed.

Then it was on to the sit-down sales-pitch. Sales Lady went through all the membership options and prices (snore). It was at this point, as we were sitting across the desk from each other, that I decided to remove my thin sweater and flash my incredibly toned shoulders and arms at Sales Lady. She didn't fall off her chair or anything, but she did ask me why I was interested in joining the gym now (as opposed to being a lemming when the club first opened, I guess?). I said something about just finishing a 90 day program that I've done mostly at home and wanting to keep the momentum going....and, I swear I'm not making this up, that was when her eyes wavered from their tractor-beam direct-eye-contact stare...and she totally checked out my biceps!!!

SCORE.

Of course Sales Lady had to follow up with, are you ready to join today? I said I'd think about it and come back. At this point, I'm expecting the hard sell - bring it, Sales Lady! You're no match for these homemade guns! But...she let me down once again. I was shaking her hand and outta there before I knew it. From start to finish, I think my visit to New York Sports took all of 12 minutes.

What I shoulda done, I realized later, was forego the whole tour/sales pitch thing in favor of Dan getting me a guest pass so that I could have hung out and observed the gym rat scene at my leisure. The one person who stood out among the sea of treadmill runners and free weight lifters was an old lady who was working with a super tiny but drill sargent-y personal trainer. Old Lady was killing it! She was all up and down the hallway doing these squat - turn 180 - squat thingys. Later on I saw her on the floor doing plank - lift right arm - plank - lift left arm. Awesome.

Needless to say, I ain't going back. I seriously could NOT imagine doing a PCP workout there...or at any gym, for that matter. Not with the facial contortions, the heavy audible breathing, or the grunting/swearing/shrieking that goes on here at home. Most importantly, though, knowing that I can do a great workout at home or wherever I happen to be...is very freeing. Not that I was ever a slave to the gym industry, but now I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I will never need to spend that money, or my time, at a gym. YAY!